Our Fear of the Unknown

A friend once described her inability to make a life decision, and her fear of the unknown, in a way that’s never escaped me. 

She’s standing in the middle of a large circular room with many doors. Discontent in the room, she wants change. She must select a door. But after immediately stepping towards one, she recoils back to the center. How does she know it’s the right door? How does she know what’s behind the door? She’s afraid of making a wrong decision, but even more terrified of what’s awaiting her behind the door. 

Not bad, Generative AI

Personally, I don’t fear decision making; choosing which door. I see it as what I did. I can’t undo it. In this visual metaphor, I contemplate my options, but then walk straight towards my chosen door. As I near, however, I’m thinking in expletives. Anxiety ridden, anticipating the worst, I reach out for the door, hesitating, half-expecting an explosion of gas and flames behind it. I fear the unknown behind the door. 

Evolutionarily, it makes sense. Our fear of the unknown is our mind trying to predict what’s next, alerting us to potential dangers. In our present world, this can translate to anxiety due to a fixation on all that can go wrong, without any balance of perspective. 

When I’m afraid to open a door, I can easily list my fears. Before quitting my job to go traveling, my mind swarmed, “Am I crazy? Will I die? Will I run out of money? What will I do when I’m done? Where will I live? Will I ever be employable again?” In retrospect, I realize I didn’t consider the upsides. One of the best times of my life (so far), I grew personally, volunteered, explored Buddhism, saw lots of the world, and made plenty of connections. When I ran low on money (fear almost realized), Amazon employed me, where the hiring decision was based in part on my chosen journey. 

Most recently, I feared opening the door to this newsletter. “I’m going to ruin my professional network. Will anyone hire me again? Will this show up on Google? Coworkers will talk behind my back. I’ll be a fraud. I don’t have a game plan, what will I do next?”

I don’t know the whole reality of restarting this blog yet, and which of these fears may be valid. But I’ll tell you why it’s already been worth it. I’ve reconnected with people I likely otherwise would never have spoken with again. With some, we’ve genuinely connected for the first time. Why didn’t I think about the upsides? I love connections. I want this blog to be connecting. Please do feel free to reach out.

Be it leaving a job, a company, a career, a relationship or attempting to head in a new direction, towards something that’s true to you or missing in your life… The next time you’re trying to gather the courage to open a new door, at least counter each one of your fears of the unknown with a potential upside. The upsides are often growth, the beauty of the journey, and more likely reality. The sum of our fears is categorically overblown. We are pre-programmed to be terrified of the unknown. 

Which door are you considering opening?

What are the potential upsides behind that door?