I didn't know the Eiffel Tower sparkled until I saw it 10+ years ago and was quietly dazzled. I was just thinking about Paris (with the Olympics) and thought about how much I enjoyed my visit but how I have no desire to return. Life is a journey and I think we definitely grow and change with it - I find now (as per this week's blog post) that I value the small moments much more than the big events, and the flexibility to easily fit them into my life now.
Makes complete sense and I am very curious to see how it all unfolds for me. One thing I love about your blog is it’s a perspective I can’t have just yet, but I appreciate the heads up of what might come to pass. :)
Such a lovely and deep essay Mikaela. I struggle and contend with so much of what you wrote. And this shiny sentence stood out for me: “As I near forty, I am fascinated that I am still learning basics about myself.”
Love this! I've been thinking a lot about my core values, and how to align my life to them. I used to thrive on travel, but my life has also become more grounded and settled, although without kids. The other day while walking I remembered that Janis Joplin lyric, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." I think while we're young freedom does take the shape of travels, flights of fancy, and other things that become more difficult as we age. Yet even though responsibility grounds me more now, I still feel free. I feel free that I chose this life, free in cultivating health, and free through exploring my curiosity wherever it leads. I think the weight that family responsibilities give our lives is a beautiful thing, and can inspire us to be better, not just for ourselves, but for those we love. Feeling connected to and grounded by responsibility gives our lives meaning and purpose. I think it's natural that as we age, we experience the weight of all of our choices, even those who don't choose the family / children route. Financial instability and loneliness can impact one's freedom, too. Family responsibility can make us feel less free, as I sometimes experience, but maybe freedom just takes a different shape.
It's so awesome you're thinking of ways of traveling with your kids. What an amazing experience for them! Also dreaming of Paris...
I appreciate you taking the time to write this reflection. I do think if I were a Buddha (as an example), I could be equally free anywhere and in any circumstances. Alas, I'm not there (and won't be any time soon), so I do still need to pull physical triggers sometimes too to align my life with myself and make it easier to feel at peace. Kind of like working a job that eats away at your soul... I'd probably need to quit that job. :)
I'm glad you're able to keep the the feeling of freedom even while being constrained by your responsibilities. Your mentality there seems like something to aspire to for sure. Thank you for reading Suzanne.
Boy, you really put your finger on one of the core dilemmas once you commit to marriage/kids. It can feel awfully confining! I remember for a while my wife and I felt trapped in this, and resentful when one of us escaped the trap, but we figured out that the answer was more freedom. We just gave each other time and room to explore. I’m not talking an open relationship—too complicated for me—but just freedom to do cool shit. Sara went off and worked in Brazil for two years. I climbed a lot of mountains. Finally, our kids went off to college and we got to do more of the fun stuff together. I think I have come to the belief that the only real traps are the ones you make for yourself in your head—if you can open those, your circumstances don’t matter.
Wow, I love that life design, thanks for sharing. How did you get past the resentment? I think we're both pretty giving of time, but sometimes you accidentally give more than you can handle. And her working in Brazil?! I love it but how did you manage it with the kids?
We both just came around to the idea the we needed it and that it didn’t take away from our relationship: it just made it better. And Brazil: she got this job opportunity the very week my youngest started college. I told her that we were supposed to be empty nesters together, not me alone, but it was such a cool shot for her I couldn’t live with getting in the way. It nearly ruined our marriage, and then it saved it. But that’s another story.
Yeah, it’s funny, after out little meetup I’ve been thinking about writing a piece called “Things I Won’t Write About” … we’ll see. Gotta let it burble a little bit
I didn't know the Eiffel Tower sparkled until I saw it 10+ years ago and was quietly dazzled. I was just thinking about Paris (with the Olympics) and thought about how much I enjoyed my visit but how I have no desire to return. Life is a journey and I think we definitely grow and change with it - I find now (as per this week's blog post) that I value the small moments much more than the big events, and the flexibility to easily fit them into my life now.
Makes complete sense and I am very curious to see how it all unfolds for me. One thing I love about your blog is it’s a perspective I can’t have just yet, but I appreciate the heads up of what might come to pass. :)
Such a lovely and deep essay Mikaela. I struggle and contend with so much of what you wrote. And this shiny sentence stood out for me: “As I near forty, I am fascinated that I am still learning basics about myself.”
I’m 58 and I’m still in the basics. 😊
Good to know I’m nowhere near figuring it out ;). Thank you for reading and I appreciate the comment!
I haven’t been to Paris but this makes me want to go;)
Love this! I've been thinking a lot about my core values, and how to align my life to them. I used to thrive on travel, but my life has also become more grounded and settled, although without kids. The other day while walking I remembered that Janis Joplin lyric, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." I think while we're young freedom does take the shape of travels, flights of fancy, and other things that become more difficult as we age. Yet even though responsibility grounds me more now, I still feel free. I feel free that I chose this life, free in cultivating health, and free through exploring my curiosity wherever it leads. I think the weight that family responsibilities give our lives is a beautiful thing, and can inspire us to be better, not just for ourselves, but for those we love. Feeling connected to and grounded by responsibility gives our lives meaning and purpose. I think it's natural that as we age, we experience the weight of all of our choices, even those who don't choose the family / children route. Financial instability and loneliness can impact one's freedom, too. Family responsibility can make us feel less free, as I sometimes experience, but maybe freedom just takes a different shape.
It's so awesome you're thinking of ways of traveling with your kids. What an amazing experience for them! Also dreaming of Paris...
I appreciate you taking the time to write this reflection. I do think if I were a Buddha (as an example), I could be equally free anywhere and in any circumstances. Alas, I'm not there (and won't be any time soon), so I do still need to pull physical triggers sometimes too to align my life with myself and make it easier to feel at peace. Kind of like working a job that eats away at your soul... I'd probably need to quit that job. :)
I'm glad you're able to keep the the feeling of freedom even while being constrained by your responsibilities. Your mentality there seems like something to aspire to for sure. Thank you for reading Suzanne.
Woohoo solo travel! Gonna be the perfect season for the Nordics !
Yes! Though I read I need to be prepared for any weather up in the mountains so bringing my winter coat and rain gear, lol. So much for summer.
Great post, thank you <3 <3
Thank you Kiri!
Boy, you really put your finger on one of the core dilemmas once you commit to marriage/kids. It can feel awfully confining! I remember for a while my wife and I felt trapped in this, and resentful when one of us escaped the trap, but we figured out that the answer was more freedom. We just gave each other time and room to explore. I’m not talking an open relationship—too complicated for me—but just freedom to do cool shit. Sara went off and worked in Brazil for two years. I climbed a lot of mountains. Finally, our kids went off to college and we got to do more of the fun stuff together. I think I have come to the belief that the only real traps are the ones you make for yourself in your head—if you can open those, your circumstances don’t matter.
Wow, I love that life design, thanks for sharing. How did you get past the resentment? I think we're both pretty giving of time, but sometimes you accidentally give more than you can handle. And her working in Brazil?! I love it but how did you manage it with the kids?
We both just came around to the idea the we needed it and that it didn’t take away from our relationship: it just made it better. And Brazil: she got this job opportunity the very week my youngest started college. I told her that we were supposed to be empty nesters together, not me alone, but it was such a cool shot for her I couldn’t live with getting in the way. It nearly ruined our marriage, and then it saved it. But that’s another story.
Can't wait to read about it in "Out Over My Skis" future addition ;)
Yeah, it’s funny, after out little meetup I’ve been thinking about writing a piece called “Things I Won’t Write About” … we’ll see. Gotta let it burble a little bit
Glad to know I can inspire you not to write
It's so important to know what we care about most and try to live that way.
Even when life changes, we can find ways to do things we love. The family paradox can be complex to solve but we keep trying. Thanks, Mikaela
Thank you for reading Tinashe. It is indeed a tricky one. :)
I agree that some places should remain a memory. Also there are so many more wonderful places in the world to visit.
I too search for freedom within constraints. As long as I feel free in mind, body and spirit I am.